Being a single girl at 26 years of age isn't always easy (although for me it usually is). Sometimes I think Satan tries to sneak in an attack through making me feel lonely. Not only does he make me feel lonely as a single woman, but he likes to make me believe that I don't really have any good friends. He reminds me of how I always struggle to get people to do something and how no one ever invites me to do anything. Note the italics- those are words he throws in my head.
This happened a couple of weeks ago as I was sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing to do. Why was I always at home? Shouldn't people my age be asking me to do something? It seems as though all of my friends always have something to do, but they never invite me to do that something with them. As the tears built up behind my eyes, I ran to my room and let it all out to Jesus. I told him how I was feeling and how I knew these feelings weren't of His Spirit. I let Him hold me as I read His Word and listened to some worship music. He took away those feelings. He is so good. But you know what? He cared more deeply than that! Shortly after expressing my pain to Him, a friend asked me to do something. He really cares!!!
Well, I should know by now that if Satan knows how to get me down, he is surely going to try again! (I once heard someone say that Satan can steal your joy if he can undermine your peace.) Yesterday I woke up with the same feelings of being not loved by my friends. This time these feelings were mixed with a deep desire to have a man in my life who would want to simply spend time with me. I have been watching how my Christian friends who are married have incredible husbands who really care about them and enjoy spending time with them. Why don't I have that? Well, I think Satan knows that I have been praying for God to be preparing a man to fill my "list" of expectations in my future husband. I've been really good about being patient through this time, but the enemy wanted to throw me into a panic. Again, I went to my room and asked God to take these feelings away. He did. Within a couple of hours, I was out walking with a friend and enjoying great conversation and beautiful weather. Not only that, but today a girl I barely know invited me to go to a concert I had been wanting to go to but couldn't find anyone to go with! He really cares!!!
It AMAZES me that the God of the universe, the Creator of everything cares that much about me. I just started thinking about all of the people all over the world who need so much more than for a friend to reach out to them. People need food, healing from disease, clean water, freedom.... and yet He still cares about my heart. He didn't have to do any of that, but the fact is that He did. If He cares that much about me, how much does He care for you?
HE REALLY CARES!!!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Recent Lessons From God
No, I'm not intentionally ignoring my blog. I have been wanting to write something for a while now, but I either haven't had much to say or have had too much to say. I'm going to try to sum up what God has been teaching me in a few paragraphs tonight.
First of all, my last class was amazing, and it taught me so much about how to study the Bible. It really helped me to see how little I really know. God showed me that He is way bigger than I can even fathom. Trust me, I've tried to picture this... I end up confused with a headache! Some of what I learned... the Bible was written 2000... + years ago. (Duh, I know.) But there is a huge "river" that has to be crossed to "bridge" the gap between "their town" and "our town". We have to first understand who the author and audience were, what their culture was like, and why the author was writing before we can even begin to jump into applying Scripture to our lives today. Many have taken the time to cross this bridge for us and have put their discoveries in study Bibles and commentaries. This approach is completely different from anything I had ever been taught before. I assumed looking up a word in the concordance to find a random verse or opening my Bible to a random book and trying to find what God was trying to say to me through it were completely acceptable ways of "studying" God's Word. Yes, God's Word is "living and active" (Hebrews 4:12), but it is so much easier to understand what truths apply today by knowing what truths applied when God inspired the authors of His Word.
Another thing I've been learning is how to keep Jesus at the center of my life when things seem to be going just fine. It's easy to seek Him whole-heartedly when things are chaotic or when it seems nothing is going right. It's also easy to seek Him when I feel Him all around me throughout the day and on an on-going basis. When life is between these two, I get comfortable. This is when I tend to slack. I get lazy. Before I know it, I'm missing my intimate moments with Jesus like crazy. I think God wants us all to seek Him with all of our hearts at all times. We are supposed to delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). How am I delighting in Him when I'm not continually, every moment of every day, seeking Him? I know I will never get this down perfectly, but I know God's Helper (the Holy Spirit) will help me to continually grow in this area. Right now, I can say with full confidence that Jesus is my everything, and I love him so much I almost can't stand to hold it in this body. I wonder if we will be able to give and receive love exponentially more when we go home...? :)
Lastly, I've realized my prayers have been much more outwardly focused than inwardly. It is so easy for me to pray for others. There are a few people who I pray for specifically every single day. I can pray for my church, town, and country... no problem. I also have no difficulty in expressing my praise and thanks to God. I am always quick to ask for forgiveness and usually struggle with accepting it, but I feel I cannot move on in my prayer and ask for anything if there is sin in the way. I often fail to get to the deep things that I need to be looking to God to show me the next steps to. I fail to spend much time praying for my future. I want God to show me what my major will be, but I'm not seeking the answer nearly enough. I have a hefty list of requirements for my future husband, but I don't pray for God to send him my way. In all honesty, I just told God today that I don't believe that there is a man for me who can meet my demands, but I want to believe. These are just a couple of examples, but I am so thankful that this area has been brought to my attention. I need to be carving out extra time to spend in prayer for God's desires to be revealed to me.
First of all, my last class was amazing, and it taught me so much about how to study the Bible. It really helped me to see how little I really know. God showed me that He is way bigger than I can even fathom. Trust me, I've tried to picture this... I end up confused with a headache! Some of what I learned... the Bible was written 2000... + years ago. (Duh, I know.) But there is a huge "river" that has to be crossed to "bridge" the gap between "their town" and "our town". We have to first understand who the author and audience were, what their culture was like, and why the author was writing before we can even begin to jump into applying Scripture to our lives today. Many have taken the time to cross this bridge for us and have put their discoveries in study Bibles and commentaries. This approach is completely different from anything I had ever been taught before. I assumed looking up a word in the concordance to find a random verse or opening my Bible to a random book and trying to find what God was trying to say to me through it were completely acceptable ways of "studying" God's Word. Yes, God's Word is "living and active" (Hebrews 4:12), but it is so much easier to understand what truths apply today by knowing what truths applied when God inspired the authors of His Word.
Another thing I've been learning is how to keep Jesus at the center of my life when things seem to be going just fine. It's easy to seek Him whole-heartedly when things are chaotic or when it seems nothing is going right. It's also easy to seek Him when I feel Him all around me throughout the day and on an on-going basis. When life is between these two, I get comfortable. This is when I tend to slack. I get lazy. Before I know it, I'm missing my intimate moments with Jesus like crazy. I think God wants us all to seek Him with all of our hearts at all times. We are supposed to delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). How am I delighting in Him when I'm not continually, every moment of every day, seeking Him? I know I will never get this down perfectly, but I know God's Helper (the Holy Spirit) will help me to continually grow in this area. Right now, I can say with full confidence that Jesus is my everything, and I love him so much I almost can't stand to hold it in this body. I wonder if we will be able to give and receive love exponentially more when we go home...? :)
Lastly, I've realized my prayers have been much more outwardly focused than inwardly. It is so easy for me to pray for others. There are a few people who I pray for specifically every single day. I can pray for my church, town, and country... no problem. I also have no difficulty in expressing my praise and thanks to God. I am always quick to ask for forgiveness and usually struggle with accepting it, but I feel I cannot move on in my prayer and ask for anything if there is sin in the way. I often fail to get to the deep things that I need to be looking to God to show me the next steps to. I fail to spend much time praying for my future. I want God to show me what my major will be, but I'm not seeking the answer nearly enough. I have a hefty list of requirements for my future husband, but I don't pray for God to send him my way. In all honesty, I just told God today that I don't believe that there is a man for me who can meet my demands, but I want to believe. These are just a couple of examples, but I am so thankful that this area has been brought to my attention. I need to be carving out extra time to spend in prayer for God's desires to be revealed to me.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
My Prayer Today
I was reading through "The Pursiut of God" by A. W. Tozer today, and I came across this prayer, which captures just where my heart is at today. Enjoy!
"O God, be Thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem dear unto me if only Thou art glorified in my life. Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shalt be above allm though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth. Be Thou exalted obove my comforts. Though it mean the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses, I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee. Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me sink that Thou mayest rise above. Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the himble little beast, as colt, the foal of an ass, ans let me hear the children cry to Thee, 'Hosanna in the highest.' Amen."
"O God, be Thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem dear unto me if only Thou art glorified in my life. Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shalt be above allm though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth. Be Thou exalted obove my comforts. Though it mean the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses, I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee. Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me sink that Thou mayest rise above. Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the himble little beast, as colt, the foal of an ass, ans let me hear the children cry to Thee, 'Hosanna in the highest.' Amen."
Friday, January 14, 2011
At Last
Between my grandmother's journey home, Christmas, and school, keeping up on my blog has definitely taken a back seat. No more excuses. I'm determined to keep this up!
To update all that has taken place in my relationship with Jesus over the past few months would require an editor and a publisher, so I will have to stick to what I have been grasping most recently.
First of all, I feel like I'm learning some very elementary "milk" principles at a much deeper level than I've ever encountered before. For instance, God is EVERYWHERE. Wherever I am, He is with me. This concept is still way beyond me, but what little of it I am able to grasp is amazing! He's always beckoning me to talk to Him, to communicate with Him through His Word, and to share the love and grace that He has given me with everyone I brush shoulders with.
Similarly, God knows everything. He knows every detail of every soul that ever has and ever will walk this planet, and He loves each and every single one of us with a love that we can never return! It blows my mind to think of the number of people that have ever lived and know that God knows more about each of them than they ever knew about themselves. Not only that, but God had a plan for all of them. I'm lucky if I can remember 500 people's names and faces, let alone billions! Yet this is the God we serve! This is the God who sent His Son to pay a price that we could never earn on our own. This God seeks to have an intimate relationship with YOU and with ME! Praise His name!
I'm very excited to share that I will be writing an exegesis (an in-depth study and interpretation of a particular passage of Scripture) as a final project in my current class. Despite the fact that it will end up being 9-14 pages in length, I'm incredibly stoked to dig into God's Word in a way that I never have! I have chosen to do mine on Colossians 1:15-23, which reads:
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister."
I'm looking forward to digging into this passage! It's one of my very favorites! :)
To update all that has taken place in my relationship with Jesus over the past few months would require an editor and a publisher, so I will have to stick to what I have been grasping most recently.
First of all, I feel like I'm learning some very elementary "milk" principles at a much deeper level than I've ever encountered before. For instance, God is EVERYWHERE. Wherever I am, He is with me. This concept is still way beyond me, but what little of it I am able to grasp is amazing! He's always beckoning me to talk to Him, to communicate with Him through His Word, and to share the love and grace that He has given me with everyone I brush shoulders with.
Similarly, God knows everything. He knows every detail of every soul that ever has and ever will walk this planet, and He loves each and every single one of us with a love that we can never return! It blows my mind to think of the number of people that have ever lived and know that God knows more about each of them than they ever knew about themselves. Not only that, but God had a plan for all of them. I'm lucky if I can remember 500 people's names and faces, let alone billions! Yet this is the God we serve! This is the God who sent His Son to pay a price that we could never earn on our own. This God seeks to have an intimate relationship with YOU and with ME! Praise His name!
I'm very excited to share that I will be writing an exegesis (an in-depth study and interpretation of a particular passage of Scripture) as a final project in my current class. Despite the fact that it will end up being 9-14 pages in length, I'm incredibly stoked to dig into God's Word in a way that I never have! I have chosen to do mine on Colossians 1:15-23, which reads:
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister."
I'm looking forward to digging into this passage! It's one of my very favorites! :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Birthdays
Saturday was my 26th birthday. Normally, this day would be filled with excitement and celebration, but I felt a little different about my birthday this year.
I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with the idea of things being about me. I don’t mean this in a haughty way. Yes, a birthday is something to celebrate. We should be thankful for the time we have had to share with our friends and family. However, my birthday day, and sometimes week, becomes all about me. I think this has been bothering me because it is so easy for me to become prideful, and I love being the center of attention. This has been happening less and less as I have been deepening my relationship with Jesus, but the temptation is always there.
So what did I do this year? Well, my plans were to get up (without the aid of my alarm), grab a cup of coffee, spend the morning in the Word and prayer, and then get ready to go see NEEDTOBREATE with some friends. Again, those were my plans. My day went a little different. I did pray before getting my coffee (as is my usual routine), but that’s where everything changed. When I walked out of my room, my dad’s friend was over with his little grandson, so I drank my coffee while chatting with them. Then I decided I wanted to play some Sims 3, so I did that for an hour or so. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready to go to the concert. God got a little “hello” from me at the beginning of the day, but we never got to spend that quality time together as I had planned. I was a little saddened by this as I was getting ready, but I figured the concert would be somewhat worshipful, so we would get some time in that way. Well, the concert wasn’t worshipful at all. Don’t get me wrong, they were fantastic, but I was expecting much more. So, once again, my birthday ended up being about me.
I wonder how this makes God feel. I know how disappointed I get when a friend cancels on me, but this was much more than that. I pretty much stood him up. He was going to get a huge chunk of my day, and I was even looking forward to it, but I never sat down with Him. I can just imagine Him sitting there as I was playing my Sims game just waiting for me to turn the game off and talk to Him. I still feel terrible about it. Does this reveal my heart? Is God really #1 in my life right now? Why did I let my birthday become about me? Maybe I needed to see this.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sanctification
No, this isn't a blog about what sanctification is (although my understanding of this has changed dramatically since parting ways with the denomination I grew up in). Sanctification has been the focus of my prayers over the past week. I want to be made more and more like Jesus. God has placed two things in my life that I have been incorporating into my quiet time this week: a song and a passage of scripture.
The song is called "Pleasing to You" by Desperation Band. Here are the lyrics:
The song is called "Pleasing to You" by Desperation Band. Here are the lyrics:
Sanctify me
Clean out my closet
Take away anything
That is not pleasing to you
Purify me
Destroy all my anger
Wash away everything
That is not pleasing to You
I will be white as snow
I will be pure as gold
Jesus my heart must know
I'm pleasing to You
I give my life, my all
Taking the cross I will follow
Jesus my heart must know
I'm pleasing to You
Sanctify me
You are the light to guide me
To the place where I am
Only pleasing to You
Oh come and purify me Lord
I need your light inside me
So the darkness flees
And I can be pleasing to You
Come make me white as snow
Lord make me pure as gold
Jesus my heart must know
I'm pleasing to You
I give my life, my all
Taking the cross I will follow
Jesus my heart must know
I'm pleasing to You
You can also listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUrI9TlExaY
The verse goes right along with it.
"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (ESV)
Here's what it comes down to: I don't want to ever be in a place where I am "comfortable" in my relationship with Jesus. I want to continually be growing. I want to be so desperate for him that I need him more than air everyday. Even when things are going well.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Balance
I've been spending a lot of time just being busy lately. It seems like I'm always living in one extreme or the other, never really finding that balance between being busy and being lazy. Don't get me wrong, I have really enjoyed having something to do every night, but it recently took a toll on me. My body reacted pretty violently to my never-ending routine, forcing me to stay home Monday and just rest. I never call in. Ever. I even came into work when my cornea was split open and had little sight out of my eye. I never want to be an inconvenience to anyone, so calling in is typically out of the question.
This is where I believe much of my problem lies. I am a people-pleaser. Almost to the extreme. We have had some new ladies join our small group recently, and I have wanted to make sure that they feel welcome in our group. So I have made it my goal to take each of them out for coffee individually. I have also made a few other friends along the way who are not in our small group, and I have wanted to make time for them as well. This means I need to make sure that as much of my schedule is as "flexible" as possible. I use that term loosely because something always has to give when I am flexible. Recently, this has been my homework. I've been finding myself up at 3am Monday morning finishing my paper that is due Monday evening. I don't feel too bad about it because I do well on my papers and make great grades, but this is just added stress to my life that could be eliminated by demanding that one night a week be devoted to writing my paper.
Well, as you may have already guessed, being so busy has taken away some much needed time with Jesus. I found myself asking "What happened?" when I was home on Monday. It seems like this busy-ness has hit me out of nowhere, and I am now scrambling to figure out how to slow myself down. I love that I get two hours of quiet time at work everyday, but I know I have been slacking in the amount of time I've been spending praying, listening, and reading the Word because I've been trying to get all of my homework done in that time as well.
I was listening to a sermon on Monday by Perry Noble, and (surprise, surprise) he was talking about being too busy. I posted this on Facebook, but it has really stuck with me all week. "In the Bible God calls those who will not work lazy, but He calls those who will not rest disobedient." I need to make sure that I am taking a Sabbath every week. This is for my spiritual and mental well-being!
Now to do some homework... :)
This is where I believe much of my problem lies. I am a people-pleaser. Almost to the extreme. We have had some new ladies join our small group recently, and I have wanted to make sure that they feel welcome in our group. So I have made it my goal to take each of them out for coffee individually. I have also made a few other friends along the way who are not in our small group, and I have wanted to make time for them as well. This means I need to make sure that as much of my schedule is as "flexible" as possible. I use that term loosely because something always has to give when I am flexible. Recently, this has been my homework. I've been finding myself up at 3am Monday morning finishing my paper that is due Monday evening. I don't feel too bad about it because I do well on my papers and make great grades, but this is just added stress to my life that could be eliminated by demanding that one night a week be devoted to writing my paper.
Well, as you may have already guessed, being so busy has taken away some much needed time with Jesus. I found myself asking "What happened?" when I was home on Monday. It seems like this busy-ness has hit me out of nowhere, and I am now scrambling to figure out how to slow myself down. I love that I get two hours of quiet time at work everyday, but I know I have been slacking in the amount of time I've been spending praying, listening, and reading the Word because I've been trying to get all of my homework done in that time as well.
I was listening to a sermon on Monday by Perry Noble, and (surprise, surprise) he was talking about being too busy. I posted this on Facebook, but it has really stuck with me all week. "In the Bible God calls those who will not work lazy, but He calls those who will not rest disobedient." I need to make sure that I am taking a Sabbath every week. This is for my spiritual and mental well-being!
Now to do some homework... :)
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