Birthdays

Saturday was my 26^th birthday. Normally, this day would be filled with excitement and celebration, but I felt a little different about my birthday this year.

I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with the idea of things being about me. I don’t mean this in a haughty way. Yes, a birthday is something to celebrate. We should be thankful for the time we have had to share with our friends and family. However, my birthday day, and sometimes week, becomes all about me. I think this has been bothering me because it is so easy for me to become prideful, and I love being the center of attention. This has been happening less and less as I have been deepening my relationship with Jesus, but the temptation is always there.

So what did I do this year? Well, my plans were to get up (without the aid of my alarm), grab a cup of coffee, spend the morning in the Word and prayer, and then get ready to go see NEEDTOBREATE with some friends. Again, those were my plans. My day went a little different. I did pray before getting my coffee (as is my usual routine), but that’s where everything changed. When I walked out of my room, my dad’s friend was over with his little grandson, so I drank my coffee while chatting with them. Then I decided I wanted to play some Sims 3, so I did that for an hour or so. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready to go to the concert. God got a little “hello” from me at the beginning of the day, but we never got to spend that quality time together as I had planned. I was a little saddened by this as I was getting ready, but I figured the concert would be somewhat worshipful, so we would get some time in that way. Well, the concert wasn’t worshipful at all. Don’t get me wrong, they were fantastic, but I was expecting much more. So, once again, my birthday ended up being about me.

I wonder how this makes God feel. I know how disappointed I get when a friend cancels on me, but this was much more than that. I pretty much stood him up. He was going to get a huge chunk of my day, and I was even looking forward to it, but I never sat down with Him. I can just imagine Him sitting there as I was playing my Sims game just waiting for me to turn the game off and talk to Him. I still feel terrible about it. Does this reveal my heart? Is God really #1 in my life right now? Why did I let my birthday become about me? Maybe I needed to see this.